Wednesday, November 29, 2006

Broken taps, cars and hearts....

So last night at about 8pm we realised that our back tap had sprung a leak... a big one.
Thankfully Bunnings in Tuggers is open until 9pm.
I did not know that.
I also did not know how massive the store is... HUGE.

So instead of having a relaxing night... we ran about and fixed our back tap.

And today my car is getting a service.
While Nath's will be looked at during our lunch break.. has a strange dunk-dunk-dunk noise happening!!
Not good.

Also not good... I still do not have a job to go to on 11 December.
Technically ~I do... as I will be working for my Agent company... re-doing all their templates.
Which will probably take a week or more.

Secretly.... {or not so secretly}, I am kind of glad for this forced break.
Glad to be spending some more time with Mikaela... and with Nath.
At home.
Just spending time TOGETHER.
Just being.

Not busy rushing here and there.
All over the place.
But not really stopping to appreciate all that we have.
Each other.
At the end of the day.. that is all that matters... and that is all I care about.

I just dont seem to have the time... to find out exactly what is going on in my daughters head.
I dont spend enough time with her.

I want to:
* go down to the oval... and lay on the grass and make pictures in the clouds.
* skip to the shops... get her an icecream.
* spend the day at the pool and watch her play.
* lay on a rug.. and chat and giggle.
* create picnics... and enjoy them with her and Nath while we play some cricket.

Okay... let me re-phase... I *DO* all those things now, just not enough!
I practically work full time... only on the afternoons we have Mikaela, I finish early to be with her.
Still I feel that time is slipping by so quickly... and I am missing out !

I am.

I LOVE that Mikaela spends time with her Dad... and at times I really dislike it too... intensely. I miss her so much!

When I feel this way... I remind myself: Its only going to get harder, when Nath and I have a babe... and Mikaela has a baby brother or sister... it will be heartbreaking to have her away from us for 3 nights. But hey.. we'll cross that bridge when we come to it... and I am sure we will work something out.

Oh this life of ours....
Its a juggling act for sure.
Beautiful still.
Peace and Love out...
Bx

8 comments:

la vie en rose said...

i resonate with these words and these fears. i work out of the home so my son goes to daycare. there are 9 hours out of everyday that i know nothing about. i try to get him to talk to me about it ('tell me a story about your day') but most of the time he's not interested. so much is happening in his world that i'm not aware of or a part of...that makes me sad...

~Bek~ said...

Michelle... yep, that is exactly how I feel SAD> somedays, like today.

And it seems worse once they get to school, before I could always go "right, enough... time for a day together" and take that time.

Now I feel like she is in the "system" and I cant just take a day off whenever ... then again?!

Bx

Shaz said...

I think you juggle things so well I know what you mean by not enough though. But I also know that you take such quality time with your babe and that is worth so much more than all the time in the world with no passion.
You are a great mummy and she is blessed to have you.
(OOHhhhh a baby what a sweet thought)

Jodes said...

Feeling you babe and making this weekend (with the exception of the womens circle) ALL ABOUT JAKE!!!! We will do movies, soccer, swimming, Intencity, Santa photo's and what ever else he wants.
Rest assured Mikaela will always remember all those great times you do have (and they are way more than most kids get). See you at the pool :)

Goddess of Leonie said...

rock on woman...

as you create your life as you wish...

xoxoxo

~Bek~ said...

Shaz.. thanks babes. I DO juggle so many things at once pretty well most days!! Just that some time all the activity.. all the hussle and bussle is not actually the "quality time" I am after with Mikaela. Or Nath.

Jodes...Enjoy your weekend sweets. All my time with Mikaela is all about her its just not enough !!! It is what it is ! I hope Mikaela can remember quiet cuddles and conversation... that is what I love the most!

Leonie... absolutely right. It is all my choice. No doubt!

((hugs)) and love to you all.
Bx

ceanandjen said...

Your perpective is right on and an inspiration. Take this time to cherish the moments...I am so glad that you can. Our children grow right before our eyes, don't they? I blink and Ayden has changed in so many ways.

xoxoxoxo

~Bek~ said...

Jen... I have missed you!!

They do grow so quickly and its beautiful and sad too.

I dont want to stop Mikaela growing... I want her to experience all the best scrapes and falls life has to offer.

I just cant believe I am a Mum to an almost 6 year old... where did that time go? And having this feeling now... I know I will ahve the exact same when she is 16, 26, 36 and so on.

Its kinda wonderful !
((hugs))
I hope all is well with you Ayden and Cean.
Bx